Category Archives: Dirty Old Lady

Just pervy thoughts from a dirty mind

Pussy Control

Ladies, makeem act like they know
U are, was, and always will be pussy control

I prefer the original version (this sounds like some kinda redo) but I couldn’t find it…

Listen up ladies. Take back the control. Stop letting Farleys and other people tell you how you are supposed to feel. Don’t let pimps/boyfriends/or anyone else tell you what rights they have over your body. Your pussy. Your control. Farleys say that prostitution is paid rape. If a man is paying you he has no right to rape you. Don’t let your boyfriend try to talk you into having sex with someone you don’t want to have sex with, free or paid. Your pussy. If he wants to have sex with somebody for money, that’s his business. You don’t have to. Girl you have pussy control.

You set the rules. You set the pay and what you will and/or won’t do. Don’t let people talk down to you because you’re a whore. Stand up straight and look a man in the eye. You are not a victim, don’t act like one.

Don’t break down and weep because society thinks you are less than human. You are neither better than nor worse than any other woman out there. The fact that you  have pussy control scares the women who don’t have pussy control. There is no shame in doing what you want or need to do with your body as long as you are in charge. Someone calls you a whore? Say damn straight. I have pussy control.

Have respect for yourself by not allowing others to manipulate your emotions or tell you how you should feel. If others can’t respect you for being a strong, in charge woman then they can kiss your what?

No one else is in control of your pussy, your emotions, or how you feel about yourself except YOU. Learn it. Live it. Embrace it.

You can read all the crap you want to about how prostitution is bad, how it’s degrading, how it’s exploitation. Remember my motto: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel like shit without your permission. No one can make you feel degraded or less than human unless you let them. Don’t let them.

They say you should feel ashamed? Tell them fuck you.

They say you would do it if you love them? Tell them fuck you, do it your damned self.

Girl you have pussy control.

*This post was written in collaboration with Bad Brandy.

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Can’t take me anywhere.

My friends and family know this. I am either a source of amusement or I make them want to find the nearest rock and crawl under it. I talk to strangers, hell I talk to anybody just about. When Em and I go to the store for instance and she buys either alcohol or tobacco I insist that the clerk check her ID. I then tell the clerk that it’s fake. I believe Em was mortified the first time I did this, now she just rolls her eyes. Everyone else in line and the clerk just kinda look at me and wonder what planet I’m from.

Here is a back and forth discussion I had with somebody online in response to an article of prostitutes being murdered up in New York and about how dangerous the profession of prostitution is. This is shortened and paraphrased a bit because I don’t feel like looking it up at the moment but you will get the gist of it:

Him (I believe it was a him): Prostitution is the most dangerous job a woman could have.

Me: Really? And how many years were you a prostitute to have this kind of experience? Were you a streetwalker or an internet escort?

Him: What? No. This is based on 50 years of life experience. I just know.

Me: Oh! Life experience! So then you can also tell me the mating rituals of the African Pygmy when they migrate in the summer?

HEB (a Texas chain grocery store) has become an endless source of entertainment. It used to be an endless source of pain in my ass. Granted, we also have a Wal-Mart but it is further away and the quality of the groceries is below that of HEB. I like to go to HEB on Sundays, usually because that’s when they have employee’s giving out the free samples of some food items. Unfortunately, it’s also the day when there are extra vendors set up right outside the doors trying to sell you crap from subscriptions to newspapers, to family portraits, to energy companies. I have come to hate these people with a passion and there is not a way to get into the HEB without passing one of these people.

So I complained to the manager (who I also slightly know and I’m paraphrasing again here):

Me: I hate coming to this store.

Assistant Manager: I’m sorry to hear that. What can we do better?

Me: These vendors that you allow outside your doors are a nuisance. I can’t walk in or out without somebody stopping me and trying to sell me something. What’s next? Hookers? Are you going to allow women to stand in front of the doors and sell their stuff?

Assistant Manager: Oh no ma’am. We wouldn’t allow that.

Me: Well why not? They would be better looking and probably have something more valuable to sell than these people trying to get me to switch my electric service.

Assistant Manager (laughing a bit nervously): I don’t think our customers would appreciate being approached by prostitutes.

Me: And what makes you think they appreciate being approached by the newspaper?

At this point I think he had signaled someone to rescue him as he excused himself and went to one of the cashiers. Now realize that I am still pretty irritated and was on a roll. But I go buy my eggs, butter, whatever, check out and Oh Golly Gee! Who should stop me on the way out except for a fairly attractive young man. Please note, if this had been an unattractive old geezer or woman I may not have done what I did next. Well, actually – I might have.

Salesman who is trying to be charming: Excuse me ma’am! Can I interest you in joining a raffle?

Me: *Sigh* For what?

Salesman: It’s a benefit yada yada where we are giving away blah blah sponsored by the (my local area) newspaper. Tell me, do you receive The XX news?

Me (who should have just said I already subscribe and went on my way): No, I read my news on the internet.

Salesman (really turning on the charm now): Well, we have a special going on and if you sign up today you can get blah blah and yada yada for half blah blah AND we will throw in yada yada for free.

Me: How did you get here?

Salesman: Um, excuse me?

Me: What did you have to do in order to be able to set up your little desk that almost blocks people from coming in and out and be able to harass them? I’d like to set up something similar and sell my product.

Salesman (faltering a little bit): I had to apply for a vendors permit from the city and then ask HEB if I could set up here. What is your product?

Me: Okay, so neither the city nor HEB has a rule against something that can be considered a public nuisance. Good to know. I’m going to sell sex.

Salesman (jaw dropping, eyes bugging): EXCUSE ME?

Me: S-E-X. I’m going to set up a table next to yours and sell blow jobs. Oh don’t worry, I won’t actually do IT here. I’ll just sell tickets or something and I’ll use condoms so it won’t be a public health issue.

Salesman (laughing nervously, so funny how I can make people do that): I don’t think they will let you do that.

Me: Why not? You can sell what you’re selling.

Salesman: Well for one thing it is illegal.

Me: Why is that? Why is selling my product illegal and yours is legal? Basically we are doing the same thing. Just bothering people walking by trying to get some groceries.

By this time, there are about five people  who must have heard part of our conversation and have stopped to listen. Yes, I’m starting to feel a little self conscience now. When he ignores me and turns on the charm to one of the on-lookers and starts his little spiel again I let it go and leave. Funny, I see the same guy two days later when I stop in for milk and he smiles at me. Hehe, wanna buy a raffle ticket?

I remember the time my daughter accidently bumps into me and I stumble against the guy in front of me at the checkout line. I start to apologize and realize Holy Crap this guy is gorgeous! I turn back to my daughter and say (loud enough where he can here me) “Push me again!” Poor girl, she was blushing the entire way home saying “OMG MOM!”

The local Mormon’s or Jehovah Witnesses or whatevers don’t come by my house anymore either. Apparently they talk amongst themselves and told each other of the time I answered the door in my black t-shirt with a blazing pentagram on it. When they told me they would like to talk about Our Lord Jesus Christ The Savior and what he can do for me I answered with I worship the Sun Goddess and they have interrupted my spell-casting and my Gods are going to be furious and will put a curse on you and you should really be careful about knocking on any doors unannounced because you never know the consequences of what your actions have the potential of doing. I then shut the door quite forcefully.

Similar people came to the house one more time after that. I was more tame. I just told them that no I didn’t have time to talk but if they gave me their address that I would be happy to come over unannounced and discuss the Pagan Gods and what worshiping them can do for YOU in the near future. Oh and don’t tell your neighbors I might come by. I want to knock on their doors as a surprise too. I will tell you it will be on a cloudless night with a full moon and I’ll be in my natures best dress (which of course is naked). I actually didn’t say the last sentence there, it was one of those DAMN I should have added that to what I said moments.

Why do hookers get such a bad rap with people like all of the above being allowed to bother you as much as they want? Occupational discrimination is what it is.

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Five calls I’d like to receive – A just for fun post.

In no certain order:

1. Ludacris – Lord I bet he can do more with his mouth than just sing and smile. Just look at that lower lip!

 

 

2. Jared Padalecki – He plays Sam Winchester on Supernatural. When this series first started his character was a total um… pussy for lack of a better word. Since the boy has literally been to hell and back he has grown some balls this last season.

 

 

3. Jensen Ackles – Ok thinking about Sam naturally got me thinking about Dean. Jensen Ackles plays Dean Winchester in the above mentioned Supernatural. His character is shorter (I do like ‘em tall like Sam) but he plays such a wise ass on TV that I wouldn’t care if I jumped his bones or not. I’d be happy kicking back a brewski with him. Course you know if he wanted to do more…. well I’d be happy to oblige and wouldn’t even complain if he wanted to bring Jared. Two birds, one stone in my book.

 

4. Keanu Reeves – Say what you will, some call him weird, some say homosexual. I can just picture him being INTENSE for some reason, passionate, totally into it. Maybe it’s the eyes or just the characters he portrays (not including Bill and Ted stuff). Eh he might burst my bubble but hey, I’m willing to give him a shot.

 

 

5. Matthew Gray Gubler – Yea okay, he’s is not some studly sex symbol and he is a bit to skinny for my taste. Mr. Gubler plays Dr. Spencer Reid on Criminal Minds. A total brainiac with like 8 PhD’s and a graduated from college at the age of 12 book smart type of personality. But I would bet he is oooooh so trainable and he would give 110% because that’s the kind of perfectionist he portrays.

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