Although I celebrate the traditional New Year of January 1st with my friends and family, today is my own personal New Year. Today is the day that I reflect on my past and wonder “Where did I fuck up?”
“How the hell did I get where I am now and where am I going to go?”
44 years ago I was born in a suburb of a huge city in Texas to middle class, honest working parents (neither of whom had anything to do with the sex industry). Do you think they looked at my red crying face and said “Oh, I hope she grows up to be a prostitute advocate?” Of course not, I didn’t do it with my kids either. However, once I reached an age where I started to make my own choices (good and bad), those choices I made led me down this path. I can’t blame the parents, I can’t blame society. I’m the one who should have said no instead of yes, I’m the one who turned left instead of right. Until someone perfects that time machine that allows people to go back and correct the errors in their judgment, I (and yes those close to me) have to live and make the best of where I am now.
Now, quite honestly, I hope they never invent that infernal machine. My screw ups have taught me life lessons. I am in a position now where I can better understand and sympathize with other people who have fucked up somewhere along the way. I could not imagine nor do I think I would want a life of white picket fences and roses. A life where each day is the same. There is no challenge in that. There is no opportunity to make a difference in the lives of those without the fences and flowers.
Now realizing I’ve made bad choices and did not drive down the road my parents would have had me drive, I realize my children are going to fuck up. There will be times that my kids aren’t going to listen to my guidance and are going to make bad choices which will lead them who knows where with lifestyles and careers that I may not approve of or deem as ‘legitimate’. Yes, this includes the chance that my daughter may become a prostitute. Whether I want it to happen or not, it can and I have to come to terms with it. You people out there need to realize that it can happen to your children also.
Yes, yes you will do your best to give them a loving home and enough security and education to try and make sure that they are never in any type of position to do something you deem inappropriate. Honey, life happens. You can’t make decisions for them after a certain age and if you push too hard they will push back at a certain point, defeating your purpose. You can pass away and no longer be able to guide them through life. They can end up in foster care or with an adult relative who won’t guide them the way you want them to go. They will face many crossroads and won’t know which way to turn and you won’t always be there to help. Many times they won’t accept your help.
Don’t fret about their bad choices. It is these bad choices with the accompanying hardships that may lead them to being a better person overall and a better humanitarian. If I had not become a prostitute I would not be in a position to push for better laws, better services, and better protection for those that wound up in the same situation. Knowing that my daughter will more than likely also make bad choices which can lead her to someplace I prefer her not to be is my reason to keep pushing. Above all and anything else I want her to be secure and safe. She may not be happy with where she ends up but as long as she is alive she has the chance herself to change her plight to a better and happier situation. She can’t do that if she isn’t safe.
Therefore, it is not a matter of making prostitution a legitimate career choice for our children. It is a matter of ensuring safety and security of their persons in pushing for better practices when it comes to prostitution laws and regulations. If our children are going to engage in the prostitution industry with or without our condoning or blessing, it is far better to do it with guidelines, education, communication, and protection than to keep it as the dangerous and unsafe practices that we have no choice but to do it in now.
It is because of this understanding and empathy that I am not bitter or angry with how I got where I am today. If I can make a difference the trip would have been worth it. Now ask me this in another 20 years as my time is running out. If I have not made a difference, I may then be bitter and angry.
So with New Year comes resolutions. There are many many small organizations out there with the same purpose. My intent is to bring them all together under one roof so to speak in order to build a larger (and louder) association of whores.