So… was thinking about this while playing taxi cab to kids yesterday (have to internally tune out their jibber jabber and music somehow). Something reminded me of something (probably a song on the radio) that caused me to flashback to a time period when I was 27 y/o. My husband had very recently passed away unexpectedly after an argument we had (can you imagine adding an unhealthy dose of guilt to the trauma of a loved ones death). Needless to say, yes – I suffered PTSD and very soon after suffered severe cases of acute anxiety disorder from which I still suffer and still take medication for. It has nothing to do with prostitution whatsoever and can happen to any one of you at any time, you nazi feminist people.
Now, even though I was in a strange place with two little boys, broke while waiting for the social security survivor benefits to kick in, and quite frankly lost in the head – prostitution, escorting, etc wasn’t even in the brain pan. We had been together close to eight years, I had a very secure job with good benefits, there was just no reason to even consider it at that time. I was however lonely, extremely so, dead inside and lost wandering within my own mind and adrift in a sea of people that I knew but seemed to be strangers all of a sudden. It was bizarre.
So, considering the above. I did something totally stupid. Dumb dumb dumb and if I could go back in time I’d kick my own ass. The internet back then wasn’t as wide spread, available, or as affordable as it is now. But there were phone sex lines, local ones. I didn’t care about having sex with anyone (I don’t think it was my motivator anyway) but when the person who had loved and cared for you is suddenly gone, you feel like NOBODY loves or cares for you. I was just trying to make a connection with someone, anyone to get even a hint of that feeling back. Yes, psych people could analyze that crap from here to next week but it’s just the way it was.
So I called the 1-900 # and hooked up with some old boy at a hotel in a town close by. Don’t bother going there with how stupid THAT was. Didn’t I say I’d kick my own ass if I could? We did the wild thing and it neither made me feel better but it didn’t make me feel worse. I was just as ‘dead’ and I couldn’t get deader or more numb. At least it gave me a break for a little bit and the contact itself was nice.
I’m getting dressed and heading for the door when he stops me and pulls out his wallet and starts counting off some bills. What is that for? I ask. Remember, hooking isn’t even on the brain – not even at the moment when he is handing me cash. My reaction is not OMG you think I’m a hooker?? nor anything else bust slight confusion. He just kinda looks at me and says well this is for gas – and he hands me a 20. This is for the babysitter (I must have opened my mouth about that at some point) – and he hands me three more 20’s. Then he floors me by handing me a hundred dollar bill and says “this is just to help you out.” Did I all of a sudden feel raped? No. Did I feel degraded? No. I felt YES! I don’t have to worry about using the rent money to buy groceries instead.
I did not commit an act of prostitution although I’m sure if the cops had come in I would have been arrested for it. According to the Texas Penal Code:
§ 43.02. PROSTITUTION. (a) A person commits an offense if he knowingly: (1) offers to engage, agrees to engage, or engages in sexual conduct for a fee; or (2) solicits another in a public place to engage with him in sexual conduct for hire.
I did not offer, agree, or engage for the express purpose of a fee. I only accepted after the fact. What should I have done? Given the money back I suppose. Would that have mattered to the law? Of course not. Yet, the burden of proof is supposed to be on them. Accepting money apparently is not against the law according to the way it is written. Anyone else feel that the law and The Bible have way to much in common. Same words, different interpretations – even when it is written in what one would suspect to be ‘plain English’.
This is not a loophole but could be an argument for anyone faced with the situation I was in had it gone down badly.
Anyway.. just what I was pondering when playing taxi…